I usually read these forecasts with interest and skepticism. Nonetheless, over the years, I have experienced a high percentage of accurate readings. I could, of course, attribute this to intentions leading to behaviors, which lead to the creation of an anticipated outcome i.e., “The Law of Attraction.” That, however is another long, involved thesis.

Today, it is change and evolution on a very personal level which I wish to explore. I know intuitively, that the direction of my life is about to take a new and, as of yet, undefined path. I’ve felt it from day one of this year. It’s not a new feeling for me as I’ve experienced this knowing many times in my life. In fact, change has been such an integral part of my life that, at one point, I returned to the university in order to study “the management of change” and ultimately to become a “change agent.”

I think someone once said, “we teach what we need to learn.” I have always felt anxiety around the “change” issue and really wanted to relieve myself of this angst. Over the long-haul, I’d say I was about 75% successful… I have been able to push through or work around situations that challenge me. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it and I learn to do it well.

When I was a teenager and young adult, my father used to say I was a “Jack of all trades, master of none,” which was not a kind saying. He would admonish me to “put on the blinders and focus.” Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia says that Jack of all trades is “a figure of speech used in reference to a person that is competent with many skills but is not necessarily outstanding in any particular one.” It goes on to say, “The earliest recorded versions of the phrase do not contain the second part. Indeed, they are broadly positive in tone.” This might refer to a “Renaissance man” or a polymath or a generalist and is actually a term of praise. (‘Jack’ was a generic term for ‘man’ in  Elizabethan English.)

I look back on all the changes in my life (as an eldest daughter, a salesgirl, a secretary, wife and mother, a student and academic, a hypnotherapist, an organizational consultant, a change agent, a motivational coach, a memoir writing coach, a successful entrepreneur, a grandmother and an artist) and, yes, I could be called “a Jacqueline of all trades” and master of many. I’m definitely not a specialist and wouldn’t want to be.

“Did you know: that learning 20% of a language’s vocabulary will enable you to communicate and understand at least 80%, learning 20% of a dance like the tango (lead and footwork) separates the novice from the pro, that 20% of the moves in a sport account for 80% of the scoring, etc. Is this settling for mediocre?” – Tim Ferriss

Boredom is, for me, inherent in skills pursued out of obligation and possibilities ignored for fear of the unknown. Creativity craves for exposure and “evolution” is almost a better word than “change.” Sometimes evolving means leaving ways and means, people and places behind. Sometimes change flows with a grace like the clouds above. Sometimes it evolves like the tumultuous waves in the sea. Most times, it’s somewhere in between and becomes a wake-up call to life and new ways of being.

How do you feel about change?

p.s. I forgot to confess that I’ve moved twelve times in my life. I just keep going, one breath at a time.

I don’t know what your reaction to this kind of expectation is, but I do know mine. I shut down or balk or procrastinate or all three. This is definitely a self-imposed, negative reinforcement, the result of which is anxiety and being as Barbra Streisand says, “far klempt” – a Yiddish saying which translates into something like “uptight.”

However, all of that began a very long time ago, but my reaction to deadlines of almost any kind is still the same. This “blog” or “journal” evokes the familiar old response.

You might be thinking, “Well then, don’t write. Nobody is forcing you to do it.”

Well, that’s not quite true. You see, I have a muse and I have a little voice echoing in my head which reminds me when too much time has passed between posts (otherwise known as entries or articles). My muse (who is a real person) urges me to “keep writing.”

Uh, oh! This feels like an admonition! It’s not that I don’t think about writing. I do. Most days, I go over my experiences and search for the keywords which might indicate that some event or feeling is worth writing about. It’s not a question of whether there is an audience. I really write for myself. That’s why I prefer the word “journal” over “blog.” But, I always feel that my “sharing” does resonate with others. After all, we are sharing the human experience in one form and another.

When I was in my early teens, I kept a diary (with a lock on it, of course). My sense of having a private place in which to express my feelings and record my experiences was essential to my existence. Life sometimes seems overwhelming or confusing and the process of writing, in and of itself, is healing. My diary was an extension of myself as I evolved from childhood through adolescence. My reward is an everlasting love of words and language.

Over the years, I have kept a journal. I have at least a dozen little books that document my personal experiences and formerly ensuing emotions. My concern now is whether or not I should destroy them or keep them intact so that someday, my children and grandchildren will know the “real” me.

“Tis a puzzlement.” – The King and I

Once I sit down and focus, the words begin to flow, even though I do not always know where I am going. This is the best way for me now. I enjoy the free flow of thoughts and ideas… so different from all the papers I had to write in grad school which required foot-notes and bibliographies. I did have to retrain myself to “go with the flow” after I left my professional career as consultant and professor. It wasn’t easy. But, I did it and here I am, 499 words into this entry.

I welcome your feedback and your thoughts.

myrnaleigh

In a folder of “spiritual” pieces, I came across a yellowed newspaper article* in which the following piece was quoted from the book titled “Listening to the Littlest” written by Ruth Reardon.

ACCEPT ME -

for what I am

Not what I could have been

or even will be.

Accept me.

Acceptance must be present tense,

with no conditions,

and based upon reality.

If windows of your heart

must rosy- tinted be

you have not accepted me.

See me as I am without distortion

of your dreams…

A human being, beautiful, unique.

Free to grow according to the seed

within myself.

Accept me -

so I need not twist myself

to fit your pattern…

But resting in acceptance,

can grow.

This poem resonated with me for many reasons, the most important being the fact that my husband and I raised a “blended” family from the time they were four, five, seven and nine –three girls and a boy, the seven year old.We came together as the result of a traumatic event, the death of the mother of the little girl and her brother. This is not the time or place to go into all the family details (or maybe I’m just not up to telling the tale) but suffice to say, we needed a parental philosophy of a sort (as well as lots of professional guidance and support).This poem about acceptance and unconditional love could have been our mantra if we had known it back then.  It was not easy, but it was well worth the time and effort and love we put into it.

The words, “accept me for what I am” is just as important today in all my personal relationships.  I do have the tendency to sense the potential in most people and I have to watch myself so as not to project my vision onto the friend, acquaintance, or associate. On one occasion when I lost sight of this truth, I also lost a friend.

I hope you appreciate this poem as much as I do. Is the message meaningful to you? Let me know what you think; I’d love to hear from you.

My to-do list:

1. Write in journal
2. Arrange paintings into separate galleries for new Website
3. Identify, measure and price paintings
4. Work on the next module of my “MoMA” class
5. Start to assemble a year’s worth of financial information
6. Do the laundry
7. Finish a small mailing project for The Hardy
8. Design and print new business cards
9. Complete a nutritional profile including medications and supplements
10. Grocery shop for the week
11. Work on three new paintings
12. Figure out how to control my new Android phone (it insists on talking to me)
13. Install and implement 2012 Quicken and 2011 Turbo-Tax
14. Pay bills
15. Compile a legible list of my personal passwords (which are now on scraps of paper in and around my computer and green journal) and put them someplace I can remember, etc., etc., etc..

A good friend might say, “Well, have you thought of prioritizing them?” Or, “Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle and identify the pros and cons of each item.” Maybe, “Do whatever speaks to you.”  “Follow your heart.”  “Hire a secretary.”

As if I couldn’t come up with these answers myself…

The challenge is the passage of time and the falling of the leaves, the descending barometer and the falling of the trees. My mind and my body respond instantly to the insidious changes that take place around me. Sometimes, I feel full of energy and get off to a good start in the morning; other times, I wish I could give myself permission to stay under the covers for the day – which, of course, I wouldn’t consider doing because my “list” awaits me.

The best mornings of the week are the two days when, for better or for worse, I arise and manage to get myself to my yoga class. It is here, in this space, that I truly breathe and find my balance and a sense of peace. On these days, I can create and I can focus. I am not overwhelmed by my list, ever present, but, no longer foreboding.

Today is the last day of November. I have now fulfilled my personal goal of composing a journal (or “blog”) at least once a month. I have a feeling I will be writing more posts in December. Lots to say about how the MoMA program is impacting my painting and my thinking about my painting.

In advance of tomorrow, “Tibbar, tibbar.”  – myrna leigh

“Live lightly”

We have to cultivate contentment with what we have.
We really don’t need much.
When you know this, the mind settles down.
Cultivate generosity.
Delight in giving.
Learn to live lightly.
In this way, we can begin to transform what is negative
into what is positive.
This is how we start to grow up.

--Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, “No Excuses”

“The unmourned disappointment becomes the barrier that separates us from future dreams.”

  Julia Cameron, “The Artist’s Way”

“Learning is movement from moment to moment.”

J. Krishnamurti

If she has a photo, a piece of music, a vision or a few words which remind her of a meaningful moment in time, it often becomes a catalyst to inform her work.

“The Evolution of a Left-brained Consultant to a Right-brained Artist”
Myrna Leigh Cohn on Art by DesignWise Studios

The above short was filmed at a recent solo show that included a dialogue with the artist, recorded on video.

“In my landscapes, I do not try to reproduce the symmetry and beauty of the pastoral scene, nor do I feel the need to replicate the color palette of nature. Color, form and texture help me reveal the essence of the subject, and then to interpret my experience of the scene.”

“I am enamored by the sky… the clouds in all their configurations; the sun in its’ early morning reverie and its’ glorious flaming decent. Many of my paintings arise from my desire to portray the individuality of each moment as reflected in the sky.”

“In the scheme of the world, our individual lives are fragile and fleeting. For what is left of mine, I will continue to be a woman artist whose soul is revealed in my art.”

- Myrna Leigh Cohn

Curious, I click on the entry and am taken to a Website where I saw an ad from Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in NYC. It is an invitation to join one of their online courses. I am curious to see what the subjects are, so I follow their link and find myself reading the descriptions with increasing excitement.

It is actually possible for me to enroll in an art class now and be virtually transported from my small studio in Baileys Harbor, Wisconsin to a room at MoMA in my favorite city in the world (second only to Paris) and partake in a bounty of fantastically interesting art courses.

I spend a great deal of time reading the class syllabi for both leader-led and self-guided courses. It turns out that all of the classes with leaders are closed; but, I prefer being able to engage at my own rate in my own time. I choose “Materials and Techniques of Post-War Abstract Painting.” It promises information on Barnett Newman, Robert Ryman, Willem DeKooning, Jackson Pollock, Mark Rothko, Philip Guston, Ad Reinhardt and Frank Stella as well as others in “The New York School.”

I am familiar with the work of all of these men except Robert Ryman. I am thrilled just thinking of getting a more in-depth knowledge of these “abstract expressionists.” This is a ten-week course and the cost is $200 which is a substantial amount of money. However, for me to have exposure to all this information and the opportunity to learn the methods of working with color palettes and other techniques of these outstanding artists makes the cost worth it to me. I sign up!

Wednesday is the day I set aside each week for painting and writing, so it was with great anticipation that I log into the link which is provided, insert my “invitation code” and am taken to a full-screen video shouting, “Welcome! Hello From New York.”

Then, an interesting man dressed all in black and sporting a short, rounded beard and a dark mustache with a receding hairline enters and says, “Welcome. My name is Corey D’Augustine, and I created this class for MoMA Courses Online. I’m an artist and a conservator of modern paintings and sculpture, and I’ve worked at MoMA since 2004. I’ve also studied a lot of 20^th century art history.”

He continues stressing the goal of the course is to learn art history by painting: “We will learn to paint by not only becoming familiar with the materials and techniques used by abstract painters at mid-century, but also by understanding the perspective of an artist – what a studio practice means, how ideas develop from close looking and from a sensitivity to the physical qualities of paint.”

I am thrilled! First of all, I am a student at heart. Learning is a priority in my life. Second, I am an artist (oil painter) who has made the transition from representational art to abstract art over the past year and a half. When I look at some of my previous works, I am aware of the increasing simplicity of themes, from landscapes to abstract landscapes where the important motifs are the shapes, colors, texture, lines and energy in the paintings.

Jackson Pollock: Full Fathom Five (1947)

The first part of the class is an art history lecture; the second section involves watching videos “In The Galleries,” direct from the museum. Not only can I see the artists’ works as they hang in the various galleries, I can click different links to see museum shows, including the paintings and all the commentary which is associated with each piece.

Along with these videos there are recommended readings and a list of optional textbooks. I am planning to work on Wednesdays and expect to spend, in total, about three hours working my way through the site and its’ offshoots. I am going to spend the first hour perusing my way around the site. Next, I will continue with this first module which has two more parts: “In the Studio” and the additional resources”page which leads to MoMA audio and related Websites.

I feel energized and open to this process. I know my time will be well-spent and I know I am entering a new phase in my exposure to the ground-breaking artists of the 1940’s, 50’s and early 60’s.

I did take a few notes I’d like to share with you:

• “the ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak” – Hans Hoffman
• “immerse in process”
• “figure on ground/ground on figure – no center of gravity, all-overness” used to describe the work of Franz Klein
• “action painting” the painter’s expressionistic encounter with the canvas
• “not a picture, but an event” – emphasis on the creative act – Harold Rosenberg
• “abstract expressionism” and “radicalism of color field painting, excludes extraneous ‘literary’ material.” – Clement Greenberg

If, as you read this post, you have questions about me and my artist’s process, the course, or the aforementioned painters, please go ahead and post a comment or question. I welcome sharing.

Click to find out additional information about other MoMA educational programs.

Peace

Myrna Leigh

Sounds a bit sophomoric but, in fact, it was perfect timing for me to go within and process my answers with fresh eyes and an open heart. My birthday was coming up on the 22nd of August and I hadn’t written anything in almost two months, although I had completed two paintings which suddenly seemed quite relevant to my state-of-mind.

Two scenes of clouds and land – one with shades of dark grey that I call “Tornado Grey” and the other, with pastel shades of rose, blue, yellow, gold and pale green that I call “Happy Daze.”  No doubt, these are an outward manifestation of a bi-polar experience.

For the past twelve years, I have identified myself as an”artist,”an oil-painter, leaning towards abstract in its unpredictable form. Sometimes, as in the pictures above, abstracted landscapes arise from an intuitive state. Now I find myself questioning this “tag.” I know I am a multi-dimensional being with skills and abilities that emanate from both my left and right brain.

In my past life as a business consultant, I identified myself as a “change agent.” I worked with individuals, groups and organizations to facilitate their growth and development. The process was mainly a linear one, from point A to point B and beyond. But, when I worked as a “third-party” observer, I was in a state of  consciousness which is the potential for all creativity. I call it “restful attention.” All vibrations were available to me through all of my senses. In my feedback to my clients, they were always astounded that I had picked up so much information from ordinary conversations. It was a fulfilling experience for me although at times, I felt thoroughly drained. I also felt anxious and usually went home with a migraine.

What do I want? Abundance in all aspects of life: love, acceptance, physical and mental energy, good health, appreciation, affection, attention,  joy and peace. I also want freedom from anxiety and resistance and an outlet for creative expression. The first go-around, money was high on the list. Now, while still necessary and important, I see money as a form of energy. I want to focus, to accept myself as an artist, (consultant, coach or whatever might come next), to be there for my loved ones and others in their time of need, to continue my own evolutionary development.

The following words were part of an introduction to a meditation session. I don’t know where they originally came from: “As is your desire, so is your will. As is your will, so is your deed. As is your deed, so is your destiny.”

So, what is my dharma? How can I serve? Right now, in the third week of the meditation challenge, I am presently exploring my “unique gifts” as a path to exploring this dharma. As I review my life’s work and relationships, I find my most successful and fulfilling times when I worked with people, individually or in small groups. My leadership abilities have taken me places and made it possible for me to know a wide variety of men and women in many lands. I really was good at what I did.

Which brings me to the part where I really start to doubt whether I was meant to be an artist. If I was, then why don’t I paint (or write) every day? Why don’t I become a “pro” with clear priorities and goals? Why do I feel I need a “muse” to inspire me? Why do I find technology and its’ fast pace of change enthralling and challenging? Why is my happiest time when I am reading in bed – the New York Times, best-sellers, magazines, catalogs? A day spent like this raises my spirit and energizes me.

I am still in process on this issue and will share my challenges as they evolve…

This “piece,” as I choose to call it, came to me late one evening as I sat at my desk staring at my calendar, feeling overwhelmed by the “appointments” and the “to-do’s” scribbled all over the page. Only the four Wednesdays were absent of dates and each one was marked with large “X” …my one day-a-week to affirm the so-called artist that I believed I was. I felt sad and disappointed with myself for squandering my time with no regard for the needs of the creative self.

I picked up a pen and from somewhere deep inside me these words tumbled swiftly and silently onto the page, spelling out the quandary of my life.

The Examined Life

To be honest with one’s friends is to be true to one’s self.

To be honest is to risk offending,

but to withhold is to incur obscurity.

If being congruent is a value, must I always be the same?

If being authentic is a goal, may I never plan the game?

If I wish to partake in the activities of the world,

I must reach out – take action – participate;

but if I desire to create, I must withdraw,

welcome silence, separate.

To evolve as a human is to change;

to change is to leave behind,

to leave behind is to suffer loss;

to suffer loss is to make room for the unknown.

Is there a value in what is, just because it has always been?

Is there a gift in the new, only because

it has never been?

The questions and quandaries of existence will

always torment the examined life.

The apparent ease and superficiality of the unexamined life

will forever mirror the alternative choice.

Can I, in my aloneness, fill my need for belonging?

Can I, as part of the group, fulfill my longing for solitude?

To question is to paralyze.

To question is to learn.

To question is to evolve.

To question is to continue to question.

If I look back at previous posts and I can see a pattern repeating itself… I am prone to procrastination. Notice, I did not say I am a procrastinator. It’s just that when the words in my mind haven’t take on a cohesive shape, I wait… and wait… and wait… all on a subconscious level, of course.  Then, if all goes well, the pieces come together and I can write seamlessly.

That did not happen this month! Too much – too many – ideas, events, sounds, thoughts and responsibilities. This month has so been so full. I am energized, but tired. I have been “out and about” far more than my constitution enjoys but, everything was so positive and fulfilling. I was able to keep going.

One of the highlights of the month was putting together a workshop on meditation. My creative process was the most important aspect of this project because I knew I did not want to design a “left-brained” academic-type event and, I didn’t want to fill the room with candles and incense and pillows on the floor. This, I knew, would not fit my “audience.” I needed to make seniors comfortable so they would remain open to the learning process without allowing their preconceptions get in the way. I wanted to introduce them to another way to handle stress of any kind – physical, mental or emotional.

I spent a week reading bits and pieces of magazine and newspaper articles I had saved over the years and put into a folder marked “Meditation.” Much of the information I saved from this source was information regarding the benefits and science of mediation. I read briefly from many books, the best of which and the one which was the most helpful, was “Real Happiness… The Power of Meditation” by Sharon Salzberg. I took in as much as I could without sorting it in my mind or putting the subjects in any order. I didn’t know when or how I would start to lay out the course, but I had faith in this process.

It was Sunday evening – the course was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. I sensed it was time to begin assembling my thoughts. I set-up an easel on which I  mounted a 20″ x 34″ pad of paper. It occurred to me that I had a plastic box full of colored markers in the garage somewhere and I retrieved them. Across the top, I wrote “If You Can Breathe, You Can Meditate” and then I began laying out my talking points; but, they came to me in a variety of colors and penmanship. Sometimes neatly aligned but more often than not, they fell in and out of the margin.

The words flowed continuously until I had filled nine pages of why, when, how, what if, time, place, etc., etc..  It had taken about three hours.  The next day, I chose music and meditations to complete the “gestalt.” All set and ready to go.

The process of designing a workshop or seminar is challenging.  You have participants with varying ways of learning, varying attention spans, possibly different goals for the time spent and just different mind sets. How to make an impact and address individual needs is of foremost concern… but, that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and rewarding for the presenter. I really enjoyed this process and had a sense of accomplishment and pleasure at the creative flow of the material and the whole-brained approach to the subject of meditation.