The First Step Determines
It’s been a bit too long since my last post. How do I know? I know because now I have so many stories to tell, I don’t know which to choose. In fact, my mind is swirling around in so many directions, I’m feeling dizzy. In addition, from a practical standpoint, if I don’t write and don’t publish new and interesting pieces on a regular basis, the number of visitors to my blog drops drastically and then my marketinga coach starts setting deadlines.
What difference does it all make? What is the purpose of a blog other than to exercise one’s love of the English language and a certain delight in telling stories? My coach says the purpose is to build a conversation around art and share my inner workings with anyone who is interested. I am an artist (and I dare to say so). I paint in various styles and with varying mediums – which, at present, is abstract using oils and knives. What better way to reach a wider audience?
Writing to me, is just like painting. It requires a time of cogitation, a time of visualization, a time of hibernation and then finally, a time of expression. I don’t have a muse, although I would welcome one at any time. I don’t have the discipline to march into my work space every morning and sit there until the words or paint start flowing. For a long time I have been making excuses for myself, saying that since I came to these specific creative outlets late in life, I just haven’t cultivated the habit of everyday production.
Now, I believe I have been able to externalize the challenge. My office and studio share the same space – albeit divided by a parchment, an oriental type screen. If I do not walk in there with intent, one way or the other, I gravitate towards my computer. “Just for a few minutes,” I say. “I’ll just check my email, see what’s up on Facebook and take a look at my bank balance.” Then, in what seems like an instant it’s time for lunch.
The reality is, I just do not exercise the self-discipline I know that I have within myself. It’s the “blank white canvas” that I’ve written about before. But, once I start, I finish.
Do you find it challenging to take that first step in the right direction?
I never have trouble taking a step in the right direction…. providing it’s something that brings me pleasure and satisfaction, which is about as selfish and self-centered as it gets! Writing does bring me pleasure/satisfaction, so I usually can’t wait for my computer screen to light up and the cursor to blink at me. Other “can’t wait” situations: going to lunch with my adult son; water-walking in the warm pool at the comm. center; meeting for book club discussion; going on a trip/traveling; digging my hands into cool spring dirt to plant the first annuals; opening my yogurt cup for breakfast, sitting on the deck and meditating or “communing with nature.” But when it comes to “adult responsibilities” and “obligations” — YUCK.(Cleaning house, washing dishes, going to church on Sunday morning, paying bills, fixing dinner every night like I have for the past 40+ years, making necessary phone calls), I want to crawl back into bed, assume the fetal position and listen to my fave CDs for as long as I wish, then fall asleep for a nap. Doesn’t happen too often. So I’m unhappy a good portion of my life nowadays… kind of sad. But I’m my own worst enemy when I become stubborn and selfish, so there you go!
We seem to have the same response to the “adult responsibilities” and “obligations.” I, too, have been fixing dinner for 40+ years, many of those years for four growing children a husband. “Obligations”
to the “community” really sends me under the covers.” Did you ever read “The Highly Sensitive Person”? I don’t have the author’s name right now as I have given it to a friend, but I think you might enjoy
the premise. In my opinion, you are not selfish or stubborn — you are just taking care of yourself; and, if you don’t, who will?
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. myrna